Sometimes I Tell My Husband No

We've all heard the old saying before. What you won't do another woman will do. Do everything your man wants to keep him. Never tell him no.

I used to believe all that jazz when I was younger. I felt if there was anything I said no to it was an absolute push for my man to go elsewhere. How dare I reject him for what he wants when I'm the only person that can give it to him? Well...let's have a chat.

I never want for my husband to feel that his needs cannot be met at home. Whether he's asking me to cook his favorite dinner or to watch a TV show he enjoys. If he's asking to try something new or wants to be intimate. I want for him to know he can get all of these things from home. I don't want to envision my husband having "guy-talk" with his friends and thinking damn, my wife doesn't do that. BUT, please believe that sometimes I do tell my husband no.

Some may think these are the very signs of being cheated on or not being subservient to my man. But, before you start judging me and saying this is the problem let me explain why.

My husband and I are two very different people. He's more of the extrovert and I am more the introvert. He likes adventurous things. I like Starbucks and bookstores. Somehow, despite how different we are, we've balanced one another out. I've learned to engage in the things he enjoys and vice versa. But truth is, I'm not always going to be on the same wavelength as my husband. I have days where I'm not that ball of energy like he is. I have days where I need quiet time to recharge. I have days where I just simply want to enjoy my Teavana Tea from Starbucks.

On the flip side, I have had days where regardless of how long my day was I still made dinner. I have had days where regardless of how much I hate video games, I still sit with him because he enjoys the company. I have had days where even if I am dog tired, I still put on my sexy face and give him Mr. Nasty Time. But for those days where I just simply cannot muster the strength to even pretend like I'm not exhausted, I have formed my lips to say, "I'm sorry babe, but not tonight." I want to be able to say that freely without feeling guilty of declining my husband's request to have Mr. Nasty Time. I would hope that my husband respects my wishes just as much to respond by saying, "It's cool babe. Get some rest." Which is what he does when I do decline.

Telling me that I should never tell my husband no makes me feel as though I have no voice. That all he has to do is rub the little lamp and his wish is granted each time. To say that I should never tell my husband no makes me feel it is one in the same to say screw my feelings and what I want.

I love my husband and I want his needs to be met, but I can't take care of him if I am not taking care of me. In my honest opinion, you can be that woman that never tells your spouse no. You can give your husband everything he asks for despite if you want to or not. But with time, you will grow to have resentment because you are doing all of these things when you don't want to. That's not enjoyable. And if the only thing to "keep" your man is by saying yes every time, I assure you he will leave for any reason he wants to.

When the day comes where I don't have that energy to fight through exhaustion or frustration, I feel I am entitled to say "I don't want to do that right now babe." I tell my husband yes much more than I tell him no. So, if I tell him no he understands that it means I honestly cannot and/or just don't want to.

I think as a wife we are often placed in this bubble of meeting our spouse's every demand. That we're supposed to continually give and give without consideration of ourselves. And truthfully, that's not possible. I refuse to feel guilt tripped because I told my husband no on a night that I just wanted to go to sleep. I pride myself in being able to say that most times I say yes, but when I need to say no there is no love lost.

So yes, I agree that it is my job as his wife to meet his needs and satisfy his desires. But it also my job to make sure that if I need a moment, to take my moment.


  1. Good points! It's all about finding balance and doing what works for us both, but as women, it can be so hard to get out of that rut of "people pleasing."

    1. You are so right. But it's only fair that we learn to take care of ourselves and balance.

  2. I love this... This is so real and honest.. We must take care of ourselves too! You are so right!

  3. Finding the perfect balance is such a struggle. I completely agree; if you do not take care of yourself, then you are no good to him or anyone in your family! Saying yes more than no is the best way to look at it!

    1. Absolutely! Once you find that balance both sides are pleased

  4. There is nothing wrong with saying no. Thanks for sharing!