Why We Skipped The Wedding



My husband and I got married shortly after we discovered that I was pregnant with our son. In our defense, we were already engaged. We were already planning the wedding.  It was a no-brainer for us to go ahead and tie the knot. But...we didn't have a wedding.

We found a notary and got married under a gazebo just outside of their office. We took photos at a nearby park, and then we went out to eat at Red Lobster. It was very simple and straight to the point. Only six people were there to witness our union, which included family and a close friend. If I had the option to, I would do it all over again without any hesitation.

So why didn't we have a wedding? Well, we initially planned on it.

We had plans of having this mid-sized wedding with our closest family and friends. Teal and silver were going to be our wedding colors, and we had already checked out a few locations to host our wedding and reception. I had a Pinterest board filled with decoration ideas. We created a guest list. We even decided who we wanted to be in our wedding party.

I remember watching episodes of "Say Yes To The Dress" to get ideas of what I'd like. I would think in my mind about the day I'd choose my perfect dress. I imagined my mother and sisters coming with me to try on gowns, and critiquing each one carefully. I had in my mind that I would get a mermaid gown with a long train, and a beautiful veil. I was going to walk down the aisle to Jessie Powell's "You". A classic 90's throwback.

We were beyond excited about the entire experience of having a wedding, but seeing those two lines on that pregnancy test made us rethink our priorities. We considered what we needed to do in preparation for our growing family. The more we thought about it the more we felt skipping the wedding was the right call. On average, most couples spend over $20,000 just to host a wedding. We knew if we were going to plan the kind of wedding we truly wanted we'd have to kick out some big bucks.

Kicking out that kind of money for a wedding didn't seem right to us under our circumstances, especially when we were trying to calculate expenses to raise our little one. We felt it would have been best to invest money into our family instead of having the grand wedding. The pennies we were saving for a wedding, we applied as a down payment for our first home.

So no church. No maid of honor. No groomsmen. No lavish wedding. Just me and my hubby.

I remember the day we told others that we were married. We held off for as long as we could before we finally announced it. Not necessarily out of embarrassment. We just knew not everyone would understand the decision we made. I figured most people would assume we only did it because I was pregnant. I can admit. The younger me often made the same assumption. Whenever I saw a couple get married after noticing a small baby bump, my mind would immediately wonder if the baby was the reason why.

So it came to no surprise when we displayed ourselves as husband and wife on Facebook that quite a few people were in shock with our announcement. We were asked if we eloped. We were asked what happened to the wedding. We were asked if we still planned on having something to celebrate our union. I felt a little overwhelmed by the questioning at first. I was hoping to just get a simple "Congrats on your union". But in hindsight, I can see how our decision came as a surprise to our friends. We didn't go the "traditional" route, and it left a lot of people raising their eyebrows.

Sometimes I do look back and I wonder what our big day would have been like had we went through with a wedding. Would it have been everything we pictured it to be or would something have gone wrong? How much money would we have spent to have the wedding we truly wanted? But even when I consider all of the planning and preparation it takes to have one, I'm totally fine with the decision we made.

Not knocking those that have had weddings. Weddings are beautiful. I love going to them and seeing the look on the groom's face when he finally meets his bride for the first time that day. But for us, we didn't have a wedding. And, we're perfectly fine with that. I love knowing that we're still husband and wife regardless if we had that mid-sized wedding.

The wedding doesn't define the marriage. So I'm glad we took the route that we did.

9 comments

  1. Love love this post a lot! I agree with all of these! Wedding doesn't define a marriage. Although my husband and I got married, it was just a simple wedding with just his family and a friend of his. My family wasn't able to witness it because they live thousands of miles from us and it was impossible for them to fly and witness it. It was done on the day his uncle was celebrating his birthday, he was having a party on his house and we got invited. He said we could celebrate our wedding there as well. So our wedding wasn't fancy or dreamy, but at that point, we didn't think it wasn't a good idea to spend A LOT of money just to have a lavish wedding. Our priorities then wasn't spending money on a huge wedding. But you know what, I've been married to my husband for over 6 years, and I never regret that decision one bit.

    Belle | www.OneAwesomeMomma.com

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    1. Absolutely! I'm glad we took the route we did. It just surprised me initially how many people thought it was weird initially.

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  2. Now that I better understand how much life cost, I too may have cut back on the wedding. So true; "a wedding isn't a marriage."

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  3. I am glad that we had the wedding we did, because it was perfect for us and our family. But that's because that is what worked for us at the time! Everyone knows what is right for them, and even if people are disappointed they didn't get to celebrate the union with the couple, they can come up with their own way to acknowledge it!

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  4. We had a smallish wedding and then we had a party at a friend's house. We didn't spend that much and we both knew we didn't want the big, traditional church wedding. It seems all of our friends had "non-traditional" weddings as well. One did what you did, one did elope, and one had a destination wedding without any of their family and friends there! The only person that has to be comfortable with your decision is you (and your spouse.) Besides, if you decide you want to do something, you can always have a big anniversary party on your 10 year anniversary and renew your vows!

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    1. We have definitely talked about something like that!!

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  5. Considering the circumstances, it was right for you guys to skip the wedding. And even though your marriage was a simple affair, it seems that you had a lovely time after all. I’m also planning my wedding as I’ll be tying the knot in a few months. We’ve just booked one of the amazing San Francisco wedding venues for the event.

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    1. Congrats to you!!! I wish you the best as you prepare to spend your forever :)

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