Marriage Begins When

I bet you finished that statement with after you say I do. Or, after you sign your marriage documents. Some may believe it’s once you’ve made that vow before God that you’ll take this person for better or worse until death do part. But here’s how I’d finish that statement.

Marriage begins when you look over to that person and it is no longer a fairytale. The moment reality sets in is when marriage begins. I say that because society has painted this beautiful image that marriage is all rose petals and birds chirping for the rest of your life. And although there are moments where the union of husband and wife is that beautiful image, there are also moments where it isn't always beautiful.

When my husband and I first got married we were excited to call each other husband and wife. We enjoyed coming home to see one another. We enjoyed falling asleep at the same time. We enjoyed doing the simple things for one another. There was not a thing he could do wrong that would bother me. But once we got some time under our belts and that new fuzzy feeling became routine, that’s when I really understood that marriage isn’t the way romantic comedies portray it.

Truth is, sometimes I hardly see him because of his work schedule. Sometimes I’m already in bed if he gets off late. Sometimes he gets on my nerves. Sometimes I get on his nerves. It’s normal. It happens.

I remember looking at my parents and older couples. I always admired their love at an older age. They'd say they've been together for 40+ years, and that their love is just as strong as it was in the beginning if not stronger.

I would think that's what marriage is. That's what it should be like. Two people living their lives and still smitten with one another like it was day one. But it's only a screenshot on the several years they've been together. What does the other screenshots show? What has that couple experienced every other day to lead to this one perfect screenshot?

Were they always happy? Did they have moments when they wanted to quit? How did they get through certain obstacles? Well...that's a part of getting into marriage.

Marriage is experiencing your day to day everyday. Marriage is seeing the good, bad, and ugly. Marriage is having disagreements and sometimes not liking each other. Marriage is ups and downs, and on some days everything in between. Marriage is learning and growing together. Marriage is going through changes and adapting together when they do.

Marriage is teamwork. Marriage is communication. Marriage is unity. Marriage is compromising even when you don't want to. Marriage is accepting everything that comes with that person. Literally! Everything. That. Comes. With. That. Person.

Kevinhart #Friends GIF

Marriage is stopping to the store on your way home for bread and milk. Marriage is checking the mail and remembering to take the trash out. Marriage is life and having a partner to experience it with you.

Marriage isn't always birds chirping and the sweet sounds of Al Green. But when it is...marriage is magical. It's staring at that person and thinking how blessed I am to be here. It's missing their hugs, kisses, and touch. It's wanting to hear their voice. It's missing their smell.

But it's important to understand the reality of marriage, and all that comes with it. You can't pick and choose what parts of marriage you want to deal with. Because the moment it becomes, it is now your life.

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