December Journal Challenge: Week One

Friday, December 4, 2020

Around this time last year, I started journaling. Writing in a journal became extremely therapeutic for me and helped me during what was likely one of the most stressful times in my life. It helped me to slow down time and organize my thoughts. It helped me to find answers to questions I struggled with for so long. It helped me to cope with some of the things that were troublesome for me.

Journaling is what helped me to the space I am in today.

I've been wanting to do a journal challenge for a while, but each month that rolls by I fail to commit to the prompts. So I figured as we're inching towards the end of the year...why not?

I'm a few days late in joining in on this challenge, but better late than never. I'm excited to begin and I hope you all follow along on my journey.

Week One: What were your goals at the beginning of the year and now?

Lord! Let me just start off by saying that what I thought I wanted at the beginning of the year is not even close to what I want now.

At the beginning of this year, I was working with a very notable software company in the Charleston area. This was supposed to be my dream job. This job was supposed to be a step up for me in my career. It offered more pay, better benefits, and a few perks. However, I was miserable in this position.

I never quite went into details as to what happened during my time in this position, but let's just keep it short by saying I only lasted in this role for six months.

It was that bad y'all. Each day I would walk into that building, I felt I was walking through mud. The position wasn't at all how I thought it would be, and what made it worse was that the communication between myself and supervisor was beyond unsettling. I don't know what it was, but speaking with her was like pulling teeth. Each time I had to speak with her, I felt like the dumbest person ever. But aside from this, there was just so much more that wasn't a good fit for me with this company.

I jumped over obstacles that made it nearly impossible for me to do the job I was hired to do. I tolerated it for as long as I could until I couldn't anymore.

I endured being in that position for six months because I figured, who quits a new job after only a few short months? 

My goal at the beginning of this year was to settle into this dream job, save up the extra money, and become the working woman I always wanted to be. But that didn't happen. 

I coincidentally quit my job around the same time COVID became a thing, and businesses were transitioning to working remotely. I didn't have a back up plan other than to apply to some staffing agencies in hopes that it would get my foot in the door somewhere until I could figure some things out. 

By April, I got hired working at a bank through a staffing agency. I'm still working there.

So what are my goals now? 

The goals that I have for myself now are quite simple: Balance. 

I'm no longer chasing a dream job. I'm no longer living up to this image that I once carried in my head. I'm no longer trying to portray myself as what society deems as a superwoman juggling career and home. I am doing whatever will bring me peace and balance. 

Getting hired through this staffing agency turned my focus all the way around. I went from wanting to be this big time working woman, to wanting more time home with my family. I was no longer working a full-time job, I asked to be part-time.

Being part-time allowed me space to still be a working woman and still be home to tend to the needs of my family. It has been the perfect balance I didn't know I needed.

That is my goal now as we reach the end of 2020. 

That God awful job showed me that I had my focus on the wrong things. It showed me what was really important to me. Sure! More money is always awesome. But it doesn't mean crap to me if I'm going to be miserable each day. 

Balance is the key. Balance is the goal. Balance is what I'm striving even if it doesn't entirely make sense. The beginning of the year seems so long ago, but I'm glad to say look how far I've come. 
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