Happy Birthday to me! On August 24th I turned 32 years old. Due to the current climate of our country, I couldn't do much to celebrate. Although restaurants and bars are open, I still abide by social distancing and didn't want to take the risk of going out to celebrate. Instead, I enjoyed the time well spent with family and friends. We ordered food. Had some drinks. Moms made me a birthday cake. I can truthfully say it was a blessed birthday and thanking God for another year.
I have to admit though, 32 isn't at all what I thought it would be.
I used to think most people in their 30s had life figured out. They were secure in their careers, financially stable, and right where they needed to be. But now that I am amongst the 30 and over club, I can honestly say I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. Although I have the house, the car, and the family, I'm still in that awkward stage where I think I know what I want to do with myself and still just playing it by ear.
More times than not...I'm playing it by ear.
When I think back on the days that I was a child and my parents were in their 30s, they just seemed like such real adults. As though they knew what was to come next and was more than prepared. Truthfully, my parents carried themselves with so much maturity. But here I am, and I feel still childish AF. Trust me, I'm laughing as I say this.
There are things I still have no clue about. Things I still call my mom and confirm with her about. Things that I still Google just to make I'm doing it correctly. Like, this can't be the same 32 my mom and dad were when I was four. In my mind, I like to think I'm in my 20s. That I can stay up late rewatching episodes of Scandal and will have the energy to wake up early the next morning to go into work. But then my body reminds me that it's not 25 anymore and I need to be in bed before 10PM in order to get the adequate eight hours of sleep I need.
However, I'm allowing myself some grace. I'm giving myself room to continue working on me and taking the time to figure it out. I don't have to have all the answers right now, and until I get there I will enjoy all that I do have. I will enjoy the home my husband and I have. I will enjoy the time spent with my son. I will enjoy the job I have, my car, food in my belly, and shoes on my feet. I will enjoy my bed and a glass of wine at the end of the night. I will enjoy the small blessings on the way.
Here's to 32. Thank you all for the birthday wishes.
